Cthulhu Cthucks

Gunshymartyr: Why do they speak Welsh now?

Me: Well, it all started with that drunken birthday bash for Yog-Sothoth that Vertigo88 was talking about.

Anyways, it was a crazy party, and when they got tired of Shub Niggurath's gin-induced poledancing and Bugg-shash's eye-roll-inducing baby jokes ("Hey, how many human babies does it take to make an Old One explode?" " Are you STILL telling these things, Bugg-shash? *sigh* Alright, how many then..?" "NOMNOMNOM *burp* BANG!" ) they all shambled out of their various voids and palaces and dimensions and off they went to Las Vegas, where Tom Jones was playing that casino that looks like the Sphinx.

There they all were, soused as a pickled shoggoth and having a Great Old time, and Hastur starts throwing underpants at the stage. Now, the underpants of an Old One (even Hastur's cthexy cthong) aren't small, so Tom Jones disappears in this welter of ominous darkness and black lace. What they DIDN'T know was that Jones himself was an Old One, expunged from the Necronomicon by the Welsh government in an attempt to fool the world into believing Wales is full of normal, attractive people, before adopting him as a national icon (in place of wee fat ponies and beef-thieves named Taffy).

So, you can imagine their shock when, to the fading lyrics of "It's Not Unusual" they were abruptly sucked into a dimensional rift and wound up in Ystradgynlais. What transpired there, what horrors, we may never know.

But the upshot is, they all speak Welsh now.

Hastur has taken to wearing thick, elasticated girdle-waisted panties. In beige.

Bugg-shash was stitched back together and forced to wear The Great Seal of K'dath, which prevented him from going within 100 metres of maternity hospitals and telling appalling jokes at parties.

Tom Jones went on to revive his career by becoming a "retro" sensation. Shub-Niggurath slapped him with A Thousand Paternity Suits, and we're just waiting on the blood tests.


.