Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconsalshep: More from salshep


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
April 8, 2007
File Size
836 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
537
Favourites
11 (who?)
Comments
27
×
You're on the lawn, pickled
as a paper-bag philosopher, mouth full
of copper and oxidised vinegar—

eyes oystering ant-sand and your cheeks wet
as the tracks of unhappy snails.
It's almost dawn, it's cold. The bastard

left you, and you've fallen over
in the garden coming up the path to home.
By morning, frost crackles

across the black hump of your back -
soon you'll be glaciered to the grass,
face iced to your coat-sleeve,

and the great, frozen spectacle
of you will grind its way, ten inches a year,
toward the porch. Some day

they'll discover you, the remains
of dandelions stuck in your teeth, fresh
as ten thousand years ago.
true story

published in The Flea, March 2011

you may notice differences in the final lines

this is because I am a flibbertigibbet and cannot make up my mind
Add a Comment:
 
:iconhell-on-a-stick:
hell-on-a-stick Featured By Owner Jan 28, 2011
perhaps a period at the end of the second stanza. In the garden, kind of hangs out there without much to say. the rest is epic. even though it's been used as a metaphor before, youve got your own voice ringing clearlyhere.
Reply
:icondreamscape-painter:
dreamscape-painter Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2007
I love this. :heart:
Reply
:iconsalshep:
salshep Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2007
:) I'm glad hun. It's one of the few I truly like.
Reply
:iconjonzoiplu:
jonzoiplu Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2007
:heart:

clever woman.
Reply
:iconsalshep:
salshep Featured By Owner Nov 2, 2007
I so are.

:heart:
Reply
:iconeithers:
Eithers Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2007
:<subheart:

I guess all I could say is what everyone else has said?
I really like this one, especially how you titled it "Mammoth".
Reply
:iconeithers:
Eithers Featured By Owner Oct 26, 2007
gah.

*:heart:
Reply
:iconiscariot-priest:
Iscariot-Priest Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2007
Love how you paint such a clear picture.
After reading the poem, the title seems very apt, and wickedly funny.
Reply
:iconsalshep:
salshep Featured By Owner May 1, 2007
Thanks!! It was such a silly scene in my head, I made myself laugh. :bucktooth:
Reply
:iconlerepentir:
lerepentir Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2007   Writer
i really liked this one.
while "runnelled" (second stanza) confuses me, the ending is absolutely lovely.
Reply
Add a Comment: