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July 26, 2010
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                  JUN 14

I caught John's new show at Opium Flesh today. Outside, the usual tacky posters advertised 'X-mods Live, art past the realm of extreme'. Had the god-botherers out in force, placards and cops, a security detail out front.

The posters were blatant understatement; the exhibit itself was unspeakable. Everything was legal, but much of it came real close to crossing that line between art and criminal investigation. It was so far outside of anything he did when we were together—extreme animorph, borgware, limb grafting, spinal implants. The cicatrised scales were my favourite, though even I flinched, imagining the process. Every inch of the woman was covered in perfect-cut hypertrophic scars, some tattooed, so she looked like she was covered in reptile hide. The precision was insane. That's dedication.

I heard John is dating Thurma Ullman, which is not surprising. She always did like to slide into whatever spaces I occupied. I wonder if she still insists on using nerveblockers for inkwork, haha. Think I'll go see him at the loft, just to annoy her.

                  JUN 19

So I get to the loft, expecting some upgrades after seeing the exhibit. But. God. Damn. He has a pair of fucking surgeons up there, one legit, the other some rad splicer he picked up in Japan who used to grow human ears on rats and the like.

John looks... Well, he's crossed a line, or two himself. I was expecting changes, change is what we do, but holy hell— spine extension, bone and hair grafts, amputation, skull enhancement, keratin and coral implants, foot splits.  The wheelchair was a shock. Science hasn't caught up with his surgeries yet, but the Jap splicer said John'd get use of his legs within three years, they've signed him up for trials at a biomech outfit in Tokyo, dealing with limb articulation and such. He'll be the first fully functional satyr in the world. Fucking amazing.

He must have gone through hell. Despite all the shit in our past, I found myself wishing I'd been there for him. We made a lot of awkward small talk. He liked my Taiwanese cicatrix, and my tongue, though he made fun of how I lisp now. Typical. It was good to see him again. I definitely saw a little of that old greed in his eyes as he looked me over.

Thurma was 'indisposed', sadly. John invited me for dinner next week.



                  JUN 25

Fucking asshole.



                  JUN 27

It's taken me this long to write. I'm not sure words can express what I am feeling.

We used to talk about plans. Share our secrets, our wishes. He's realised his own now, aside from the wheelchair and the last of the grafts. Mine? The scaled woman was my idea, originally, but it's not that unique as far as concepts go.

Still, I had my dreams, my own designs on what to do with those techniques he was learning and pioneering then, dreams of what I'd become some day. And the fucker just handed them all to that scalpel-whore. It's like he's given away a piece of me, sliced it off my flesh and grafted it onto her.


                  JUN 28

He's a scar. A mark that won't wash off. Bastard.

I can still see her smug fucking face. Her, stretched out on the sofa like goddamned Cleopatra, ears and nose pared off, hairless and smiling with her hollow fangs, her gold dust eyes.

He's stripped her tongue thin, extended and forked it. Had her jaw redone so she can distend it a ways. But what fucked me over the most was, he's given her scales, and not like the woman in the pictures. No mistaking that sour, musky smell. He gave her anaconda skin.

And he's grafted her legs together. I just fucking stared at the bitch, who's wearing MY body.

No wonder he wanted her. I am a dreamer. I am willing to suffer for my art, be my art, put my dreams into my flesh. But when he said she was booked for dual arm amputation… I could never have gone through with that, and he knew it.

It was supposed to my decision to make, though. He had no right.


                  AUG 22

So. Fuck them. I took it back.

To Thurma, it was all just a way to keep a man, and stay in the spotlight. For me, it was about baring my soul. Like, one day I'd be turned inside out and show the world my real skin.

I had the loft raided last Sunday. Shut down. Thurma's in care, with one arm gone already and suppurating ulcers where the snakeskin's rejected her.

John's in a prison hospital. The splice artist's done a runner, and I'm not sure what happened to the other guy. I thought about making John sorry, hunting down our old friends and letting them work on me. Letting somebody else's hands craft me into my dream. I know that would eat him, from the inside out.

But it's time, I think, to leave myself the fuck alone. This is not about sour grapes, or Thurma doing it first. It's that I don't need hollow dentures in order to bite somebody in the ass. And I sure as sugar don't need any more scars.

I have bared my serpent soul. And I will wear my scales on the inside.
:iconsalshep:
ffm 23

Responded to by ~edzull for an ffm challenge: [link]
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:iconraspil:
`raspil Sep 9, 2010   Writer
He'll be the first fully functional satyr in the world.
That's so hot.

This is a very interesting concept for a story, I'm impressed by how extreme it is yet how natural it all is for the narrator. "I went to the store. I also had my legs fused together so I could be a mermaid."
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:iconsmolkingmerrors:
!smolkingmerrors Aug 21, 2010  Hobbyist Writer
"It was supposed to my decision to make, though. He had no right." Missed a word.

Under June 27 I want her to still be angry. Maybe a little more controlled after having a few days to stew but still angry and that first sentence makes the journal entry sound too well thought out. I would suggest that for this date maybe make her thoughts a little more disjointed, poisoned. You don't think so clearly when you're angry, especially when you're talking to yourself. If your character was talking to another person it would make more sense, but since these are her own private thoughts I expect logical fallacies and run on sentences and stream of consciousness. Maybe even a few petty jabs. Get rid of the pretty language too. Make it more raw. Pretty language in the other entries works fine because obviously this character has a thing for beauty and it's going to show through in her writing. But for June 27th I just don't feel her anger.
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:iconscaramoushe:
`scaramoushe Aug 20, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
This is amazing! I like how controlled and real it is, I could see all of it, and it didn't seem so surreal that it's cartoon. The swearing and the conrol of emotion, and the diary set up makes this work. This is brilliant!
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:iconalecbell:
:faint: Stunning piece of decadent imagining! :faint:

(with Biblical overtones!)

Tiny glitch, para 3 "she was always did"
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:iconsalshep:
Ooh thanks- will fix!

And I'm really glad you liked it. : )
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:iconlullaby4fire:
this was all extremely enjoyable. i love the structure. "But it's time, I think, to leave myself the fuck alone." really hit me, its literal and figurative meaning.

and i adore the ending. she's different, dynamic, unconventional, and she chose to keep it on the inside! no artificial modification necessary. <3
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:iconsperpy:
~Sperpy Jul 29, 2010  Hobbyist
This is freaking awesome. No critique, just praise.
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:iconsalshep:
Thanks, chica. That made me smile.
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:icondimerization:
Creepy... I really like it.
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:iconnunheh:
It might be hard to justify, and my memory often fails me, but to me this has the definite feel of Lovecraft, and outside of this I can't recall what that feeling was.
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